November/December 2006

Message from the Executive Director:

Embracing Diversity

by Charity Eleson

Two women friends of mine live together in a committed relationship and are the parents of two children, ages 7 and 5. I first met them several years ago when they moved back to Wisconsin from the West Coast. They were happy to be back, once again close to old friends and able to send their kids to good public schools. Because one woman's employer recognizes her partner and children as her family, they have been able to receive health insurance coverage as part of the employer's domestic partner coverage. The passage of the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and civil unions will jeopardize that health insurance coverage for their family, as it will for thousands of others, including both same-sex and heterosexual couples.

That's just one of the very real problems associated with passage of the proposed amendment, which will be on the November 7 ballot. It will create hardship for families trying to support and care for each other, trying to create loving and nurturing homes and communities for their children. It will also cast a pall over our state. It will signal that we are a state that is intolerant and that we do not embrace and support diverse families, even though they are families that support and love each other and support and love their children.

My friends' children are well-loved and well-adjusted, and rightfully proud of their family. Their mental and emotional well-being is, according to several national studies, typical of thousands of children being raised by lesbian or gay couples throughout Wisconsin and the rest of the country.

Childhood development experts are not surprised by the fact that children who are loved and nurtured by same-sex parents thrive. Organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association and the Child Welfare League of America all agree that fitness for parenting should be based on the capacity to nurture and care for a child, and they recognize that sexual orientation does not determine that capacity. Numerous national studies have found that children raised by same-sex couples are as mentally healthy, have as high self-esteem and are as accepted by their peers as are children in heterosexual households.

The American Psychoanalytic Association has stated, "Accumulated evidence suggests the best interest of the child requires attachment to committed, nurturing and competent parents. Gay and lesbian individuals and couples are capable of meeting the best interest of the child and should be afforded the same rights and should accept the same responsibilities as heterosexual parents."

More critical to this debate is whether parents have the legal and social supports they need to meet the needs of their children. Health care, access to educational records, the ability to make emergency medical decisions, and access to survivor benefits in case one partner should die are what all parents want for their children, whether they're heterosexual parents or same-sex parents. And our laws and policies should ensure those basic protections are there. However, if passed, the constitutional ban on same-sex marriage and civil unions could jeopardize the fragile protections children of same-sex parents currently have.

My friends are part of a growing segment of the U.S. population consisting of same-sex couples who are living together and raising children. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, same-sex couples live in 99.3 percent of all counties in the United States, and same-sex couples raising children live in 96 percent of all counties nationwide. The number of same-sex couples who live together tripled between 1990 and 2000 according to Census Bureau data. Tellingly, 1990 was the first year the Census Bureau provided a reporting category for a same-gender household member to be called an "unmarried partner," a sign of changing trends and times.

Our communities are becoming more diverse in many different ways. We are increasingly diverse culturally. Many adults with disabilities live independently in communities throughout the state. There are increasing numbers of single-parent households, and an increasing number of men and women who choose to live and raise families with same-sex partners.

We can choose to turn our backs on these changes, or we can choose to embrace them, giving all families a legitimate role in our communities and, as a result, enriching and supporting the children raised in those families. On November 7, vote to support the rights of children in all families by voting against the ban.